Global Cooling Coming: A Grand New Deal to Warm the World
Given the looming prospect of a solar grand minimum similar to the one that spawned the Little Ice Age 600 years ago, and the potentially catastrophic impacts of pervasive global cooling on crop yields and livestock production, it can only be concluded that now is the time for action.
WE must expand our carbon footprints. Human civilization depends on it.
This looming Maunder Grand Minimum, an ebb cessation of sunspot and coronal mass ejection activity in our life giving star, requires every human to begin now to expand and optimize our carbon footprints in order to create an atmosphere more capable of amplifying and trapping radiational warmth during the coming deep freeze. By increasing our carbon emissions in every possible way, we just might succeed in wrapping dear Mother Earth in a warming blanket of CO2 capable of insulating us from the ravages of a cooling sun.
That’s why I’m asking each of us to join together in what would rightfully be a globalized effort to increase the amount of CO2 (plant food) in the atmosphere by expanding consumption, engaging in carbon intensive activities, and/or increasing personal consumption of legumes, refried beans and other flatulence causing foods. We must act and act now to avert this climatological disaster. During a similar ebb in solar activity spanning from the 14th to the 19th centuries, the Thames River in Great Britain froze over and glacial propagation expanded the ice caps significantly, both north and south. Much of Canada was covered by an unmitigated sheet of ice hundreds of feet thick. A repeat will be nothing less than catastrophic. We must act decisively to stave off disaster.
Bigger Feet. Bigger Fires. Bigger Farts. Bigger Footprint. What I’ve termed the 4 “F’s” of global salvation and warmth.
By following the 4F method of personal behavioral changes, humanity might have the ability to stave off an otherwise doomsday scenario of climatic cooling that could have drastic consequences for the future of human life on our planet.
We may only have another decade of life on planet earth if we don’t take action now. So, buy a diesel pickup or a private jet, buy a bigger house, (or tear down your existing house several times and rebuild it again in a less energy efficient way each time) expand your yearly travel itinerary to far flung places you’ve never visited before, and most importantly, sit down to a daily diet of burritos as big as your head and really let one rip, for the sake of humanity.
The life you save could be your own.
This is our World War II.