Joe Biden 2020 Run to ‘Make America Stagnant Again’: Tens Upon Fives Turn Out
Not to be outdone by Donald Trump’s MAGA slogan that birthed a worldwide movement, former Vice President and habitual female space invader, Joe Biden may as well be promising to “Make America Stagnant and Struggling Again.” Yessa, MASSA, if you please, sir, MASSA. P.S., All white people should die. Inspiring stuff.
The Democrat campaign platform these days is as stable and genius as a balsa wood jetliner with termites for passengers. But hey, the in-flight meal is to die for.
Biden’s 2020 Presidential campaign kicked off today with a rally in a town somewhere, where a crowd of literally a few dozen turned out to hear Joe mumble for a few minutes that seemed like hours about how wonderful things were when Barack Obama was at the helm of the nation, what with 9.4% unemployment and 0.4% GDP growth. You know. The good old days when tent cities and suicide notes written on foreclosure notices were outnumbered only by hungry, crying children.
Social media quickly ignited to flame cap toothed midlife crisis actor, Joe Biden, with pictures of a rally that looked something like a timeshare sales pitch convention prior to a cruise vacation. You know, the mandatory two hour meeting they don’t tell you about at your all inclusive resort when you really just want to embark on your honeymoon and get naked and drunk as soon as possible. The looks on the faces were rented. You might have heard crickets chirping. But they didn’t want to come either.
Hey, honey. Do these wide shots make my crowd look small? Yes, dear.
In all seriousness for just a moment, to the reasonably inclined, it should be readily obvious that Joe Biden’s candidacy is important and strategic in three parts: Firstly, it perceptually insulates him from ongoing investigation and prosecution by casting any action by IG or AG in the next 577 days as politically motivated for the destruction of his campaign.
Secondly, Biden is the only candidate that is guaranteed to play Gerald Ford to Obama’s Nixon (times 1,000) in rolling out a toilet paper roll of double ply pardon for the entire cast of Spygate characters.
And lastly, Biden is the only candidate that if elected, could credibly launch a “missing piece” revival of vindictive legal action against Donald Trump. By revealing some long list, Holy Grail of fabricated evidence in the Trump Russian winter saga of prostitution, urination and prevarication, Biden could march every member of the Trump administration before a firing squad for evidence not revealed (nor produced) until his assumption of office. If Biden himself isn’t in jail first, of course.
Don’t worry. The Biden 2020 MASSA hats will suck, too. But word has it they smell exactly like a beautiful, but desperately uncomfortable woman’s freshly washed hair. Sniff, sniff.
While laughably flawed and stupendously beyond the full powers of his already gaffe prone political game, these vectors combine to make Biden a dangerous quantity in an otherwise dismal assemblage of freakshow row for the Democrats in 2020. Does that mean Trump doesn’t club Biden like a senile baby seal? Of course not. It just means it’s obvious why the Derp State will push Biden like a crash cart through a trauma ward in the 2020 primary.
In any event, Joe’s “Stay Out of Federal Prison 2020” Campaign looks to have all the excitement of a multi-city root canal tour without anesthesia.
Knock ’em dead, Joe. Just like your boss did to the economy for eight years. Can’t wait.
Don’t worry. The Biden 2020 MASSA hats will suck, too. But word has it they smell exactly like a beautiful and desperately uncomfortable woman’s freshly washed hair.