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››The Official Joe Biden Presidential Debate Drinking Game (Because Let’s Face It….2020 Sucks)

The Official Joe Biden Presidential Debate Drinking Game (Because Let’s Face It….2020 Sucks)

By Shad Olson
September 29, 2020
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Official (And potentially fatal) Joe Biden Presidential Debate “Drinking Game”

Let’s be honest. 2017-2020 has been a journey into the 9th Circle of Hell. And the Deep State has done it to us intentionally as punishment for electing Donald Trump. In that vein, and with the first Donald Trump/Joe Biden Debate just hours away, we thought it only appropriate to put some official ground rules in place for what so many have been thinking and suggesting about Gropey Joe’s unique disabilities and out of control dementia in this 2020 race.

Nice thing this time around, even after Joe gets the debate questions two weeks in advance he still won’t remember which answer goes with which question. Bad thing is, Biden and team have succeeded in driving expectations so low that all he needs to do is remember his own name and not visibly soil himself on national television and he’ll have given a “tour de force” performance.

You can just imagine the gushing adulatory blush by the commentators following Tuesday night’s event:

“I thought Biden was simply remarkable tonight, Lester. The way he even seemed a few times to know where he was and to keep his hands out of his pants really gave us a portrait of a candidate in command of his surroundings and on the task.”
So without further adieu, the rules of the game. And word to the wise, don’t even attempt this game without a fridge full of brew or a full liquor cabinet. You won’t even make it past Joe’s opening statement.Have fun. And be safe.

Official Joe Biden Presidential Debate Drinking Game

Says, “Peaceful protesters.” (1 shot.)

Says, “My wife Jill.” (1 shot.)

Says, “Soul of the nation.” (1 shot.)

Says, “I’m the guy who…” But then forgets what he did when he was the guy who. (1 shot.)
Says, “Oh, I better not.” (1 shot.)
Says, “Let me be clear,” and then proceeds to not be clear. (1 shot.)
Says, “Look, folks. Let me lay it out for you.” And then never lays it out: (1 shot.)
Says, “Here’s the Deal.” And then never reveals the deal. (1 shot.)
Says, “Harris Administration.” (1 shot.)
Gets distracted and stares at the wall, his shoes, or looks offstage. (1 shot.)
Inexplicable laughter while Trump is speaking. (1 shot.)
Gets Chris Wallace’s name wrong. (Happened before.) (1 shot.)
Says, “President Barack Obama and I…” and then references some achievement they never achieved. “Barack and I created more jobs in 6 months than Donald Trump has in 8 years.” (2 shots.)
Mumbles downward at his notes. (2 shots.)
Cites a statistic that doesn’t exist. “200-million Americans have died since I started speaking.” (2 shots.)
Fidgets with his earpiece. (2 shots.)
Points randomly and then waves into the crowd as if he’s greeting a good friend who may or may not exist. (2 shots.)
Loses his train of thought midsentence and then sends people to “Joe 30330” to learn more about what he can’t remember. (3 shots.)
Attempts to pander to a minority group but does it in a racist way. i.e., “Barack Obama is a clean articulate black man.” “Poor kids are just as smart and talented as white kids.” (3 shots.)
Shares an historical anecdote malaprop citing wrong name, place or date. (3 shots.)
Says any word or phrase with a pronunciation that is only recognizable because you’ve listened to Joe Biden butcher the English language for four years: “Digminy me blaintained.” (3 shots.)
Forgets he’s live and answers the person talking in his earpiece out loud. (4 shots.)
Aides screaming over his earpiece is audible on-air. (4 shots.)
Says, “C’mon, Man!” And then loses his train of thought. (4 shots.)
Scans the audience creepily and then does a leaning “magic fingers” wave to an underage girl in the crowd. (Half the bottle.)
Inadvertently “outs” Chris Wallace while the two make friendly banter. (Half the bottle.)
Leaves the stage during a question to sniff random female hair. (Empty the sumbitch.)
—————————————-
There are only three rules:
1. Hard liquor if you’re as tough as “Corn Pop.” Beer if you’re a “Lying Dog-Faced Pony Soldier.”
2. At the end of the debate, if you didn’t run out of booze and are still conscious, say the phrase, “How else can dignity be maintained.”
If you can still say it….Congratulations!. You’re still more articulate than Joe Biden is when sober. Ask emergency room staff to verify.
3. Take the rest of the week off.
Warning: In the event you don’t survive alcohol poisoning, you will be voting for Joe Biden. And your death will be counted as COVID-19.

Good luck.

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Shad Olson

Radio host and author, Shad Olson, is an Emmy-winning and Edward R. Murrow awarded investigative reporter living in Rapid City, South Dakota. His work has won numerous awards for excellence in broadcast journalism. He has shared the stage with numerous national personalities and appeared on radio and television broadcasts from coast to coast. He is also the published author of more than 100 works of short fiction. His collection, Tales from the Red Rooster Cafe is available at Barnes & Noble and on Amazon.com

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