The name alone conjures giggles of Madison Avenue imagery. Imagine the aerosol deodorant equivalent of vapid leftist condescension that can either be sprayed in your armpit, a la Right Guard, or in this case, sprayed on your computer screen or portable device to keep you safe from any narrative not stamped, sealed and approved by the discredited ghouls in the mainstream press gaggle. By Mennen.

From the same sneering buffoons that have presided over modern journalism’s imploded collapse to complete incredibility, may we present, “NewsGuard,” a fledgling internet ombudsman news app and website that is busily scrambling the interwebs casting tssk-tssk and ennui in the general direction of any media operation that dares conflict with America’s grotesque mutational venture into Cultural Revolution.  Non-Marxists need not apply.

Think all the overanxious and misapplied leftist debunkery of Snopes and Media Matters, wrapped in a burnished patina of Ivy League credential and marginally literate inquisition. With their downloadable app and unsolicited web reviews, NewsGuard stands ready to provide refutation and exegesis to any stuttering leftist quimbot predictably losing their ass in a political debate. A last gasp appeal to authority to prove that Donald Trump is indeed a Russian agent, that Pizzagate was a hoax, that Anthony Weiner’s laptop was perfectly clean of damning evidence against Hillary and Huma, that humanity is pushing the planet ever closer to climate change catastrophe and that both Jussie Smollett and Bubba Wallace were victims of hate crimes complete with genuine nooses in “MAGA Country.”

And it was bound to happen.

Plagued by subscription loss, viewer defections, declining revenue streams and an inability to patently force the nation’s increasingly savvy and awakening media consumers to continue lapping blindly at the pablum and outright tripe of the festering fake news spigot, mainstream outlets from every corner are jettisoning staff in droves and cutting salaries across the board. Newspapers are dying, salaries are shrinking, magazine sales are nonexistent and leftist cable and network television news outlets draw fewer nightly viewers on average than even the most unpopular YouTuber describing why wearing pink hair and purple eyeshadow has taught them important lessons about personal empowerment.

In short, a growing number of once omnipotent upper and middling news management gatekeepers from the mainstream press are out of work, underemployed and understandably, bitterly motivated to claw the eyes out of the decentralization movement of the independent blogosphere that has made their previously gilded work nothing more than expensive birdcage liner.

The banished castoffs of the fading indoctrination brigade need new perches to justify the incompetence that burned away their MSM fiefdom. And NewsGuard has hired a boatload of them, bless their little hearts, becoming a welcoming destination for flotsam and jetsam of the shipwrecked slantery of Fake News Inc. A rescue mission of sorts for out-of-work social change agents who rightfully deserve putting out to comforting pasture where their besotted allegiance to leftist cause and cudgel can be put to good use, heaping noncompliance penalties onto the heads of anyone unwilling to conform to the wishes of the Operation Mockingbird press.

And by dossier alone, the coterie of misplaced scriveners in the NewsGuard stables is impressive. Hailing from Newsweek, the New York Times, U.S. News and World Report, Propublica, The Daily Democrat and the like, NewsGuard’s passel of uber-leftist staffers peruse their way through independent internet news sites, “fact checking,” and “reviewing” and finally issuing a Siskel and Ebert-style rating system for each website, offering subscribers and downloaders of their news “ratings” app a predictably sneering snapshot of the patriot press that will be equally predictably utilized as previously mentioned “discredited!!!” clickbait for SJW idiots across the digital frontier. The newest “gotcha” gadget for the mindless nimrods of the age of Millennial deconstruction and infringement on free speech by the social media giants.

So, someday very soon when ‘NewsGuard’ invades the timelines and discussion boards of your already maligned and curtailed experience in the straddled world where platforms curate content like publishers and declare themselves arbiters of universal “truthiness,” consider yourselves duly warned.

NewsGuard may be a few dozen cats and a couple hundred Twinkies short of ever approaching the unrivaled and time tested credibility of Snopes. But the game is exactly the same: Mainstream outlets carrying propaganda for the cause are unblemished and perfection of purity and everyone else should be ignored, censored and silenced.